|
The Wrong Kind of Small Talk Esther Greenbaum was a saleswoman for a firm of fax machines and business supplies. But she was also the most outspoken human being in the world – well, Westchester County, at least. Her motto was “Every time I open my mouth, I put my foot in it.” Esther Greenbaum’s major shortcoming was that she had a complete absence of small talk. No, that’ not quite true. She had small talk, but it was the wrong kind. In fact, she had never learnt the basic rules of social communication, and as a consequence, she made systematic mistakes every time she opened her mouth. It was no coincidence either that she wasn’t a very good saleswoman. One day during a meeting, Esther was introduced to an important customer, a mature woman. “Nice to meet you,” she said. “How old are you?” The customer looked awkward. “Forty? Forty-five?” said Esther. “You kook much older. And your friend … she’s older than you, but she looks much younger!” On another occasion, Esther teased a typist, “Hey! When’s your baby due?” The typist went red and contradicted Esther. “Actually, I’m not pregnant,” she said. “Oh, sorry,” said Esther without any apology. “Just putting on a little weight, huh?” Esther was never cautious about other people’s feelings. One of her acquaintances, a salesman in the firm, was going through a very messy divorce and was very depressed. She tried to cheer him up. “Forget her! She was a complete fool. No one liked her anyway.” Much of the time, Esther said the first thing to come into her head. One day at work, a clerk came into the office with a new hairstyle. “Nice haircut,” said Esther. “How much did it cost?” The woman replied, “I’d rather not say.” Esther replied, “Well, anyhow, either you paid too much or you paid too little.” She met a very famous writer once. “Hey, what a coincidence!” she said. “You’re writing a book and I’m reading one!” The trouble with Esther was she said what she thought, and didn’t think about what she said. A young man was trying to modest about his new job many miles away. “I guess the company chose me so they’d get some peace in the office,” he smiled. “No, I guess they chose you to discourage you from spending your whole career with us,” Esther replied sweetly. Once, Esther went to a brunch party to meet some old school friends on the anniversary of their graduation. She greeted the hostess. “Do you remember that guy you were dating? What happened to him?” she asked. “You know, the ugly one.” At the moment, a man came up and stood by her friend. “Esther, I’d like you to meet my husband,” she said, “Charles, this is…” Esther interrupted her, “Hey, so you married him!” The Wrong Kind of Small Talk 不合时宜的闲聊 埃斯特o戈林鲍姆是一家传真机公司的女推销员和业务代理。但她也是世界上最口无遮拦的人——当然，至少在韦切斯特县是这样的。她的座右铭是“每当我张口，就会讲错话”。 埃斯特o戈林鲍姆的主要缺点是她根本不会闲聊。不，也不完全如此。尽管她闲聊，但不合时宜。实际上，她从来就没有学过社交的基本规则，因此每次开口说话她都会犯经常性的错误。她不是一个好的女推销员绝非偶然。 一天在一次会议上，埃斯特被介绍给一位重要的客户，一位成熟的女士。 她说：“很高兴见到你！你多少岁啦？”这位客户看起来是尴尬的。 “四十？四十五？” 埃斯特说道，“你看起来更老。而且你的朋友……，她比你年龄大，但看起来年轻得多！” 在另一个场合，埃斯特跟一位打字员打趣说：“嗨！你的宝宝什么时候出生啊？” 那位打字员一下变得面红耳赤，并反驳埃斯特说：“实际上，我还没有怀孕呢。” “噢，对不起，” 埃斯特毫无歉意地说，“只是略微有点发福，是吗？” 埃斯特从来不注意他人的感受。和她在同一家公司做推销员的一个熟人正遭受离婚的窘境，为此非常沮丧。埃斯特试图让他高兴起来。 “忘掉她！她是一个十足的傻瓜。没有人会再喜欢她的。” 大多数时间，埃斯特想到了什么就说什么。有一天工作的时，一位刚换了新发型的职员走进办公室。 埃斯特说：“发型很漂亮，花了多少钱？” 这位女士回答道：“我宁愿不说。” 埃斯特答道：“喔，不管怎么样，要么你花多了，要么你花少了。” 有一次她遇见一位非常著名的作家。“嗨，多么巧啊！你正在写一本书，我正在看一本书！”她说。 埃斯特的问题是她想到什么就说什么，而且从不考虑她说的话。一位年轻的男士尽量谦逊地谈论他几英里外的新工作。 “我想公司选择我是为了他们在办公室里可以得到一些平和。”他微笑着说。 “不，我猜测他们选择你是不想你一辈子都跟着我们工作。” 埃斯特甜美的答道。 有一次，埃斯特参加毕业周年聚餐，去见一些老校友。她向女主人打招呼。 “还记得和你约会的那个家伙吗？他怎么样了？”她问道：“你知道的，就是那个长得丑的。” 正在那时，一个男人走过来，站在她朋友的旁边。“埃斯特，我想让见见我丈夫，”她说，“查尔斯，这是……” 埃斯特打断她，“哦，原来你和她结婚了啊！” |
