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Similarities and difference: Friendship across cultures 1 Since I was five years old, I have had the good fortune to travel all over the world. I have had the privilege of living in Europe, Africa and North America and have made many foreign friends there. My family, friends, and co-workers are always very interested and curious and shower me with questions like: How do you begin a friendship in a foreign country? Are they different from us? Do people in those countries value friendship? In fact, the framework and value of friendship is universal and comparable around the world. But the way friendship is expressed differs greatly from country to country. The difficulty when strangers from two countries meet is not a lack of appreciation for friendship but the assumption of sameness. They do not anticipate the diverse expectations and subtle differences of what constitutes friendship, how it comes into being and how it should be expressed. So, who is a friend? How should friends treat each other? That depends on where you are! 2 In the United States, society is highly mobile and it is quite common for people to move back and forth across the country for a new job, education, or many other reasons. The term friend can be applied casually to a wide range of relationships — to someone you worship with, to a close business associate, to a childhood playmate, or a trusted ally, either man or woman. They may be parents of the children's friends, a neighbor's guests, members of a committee, or business clients from another town or even another country. For Americans, there are real differences among these relations; a friendship may be superficial, casual, situational or deep and enduring. But a foreign visitor who comes to an American home can scarcely find any variations. For an outsider, who sees only behavior visible on the surface, the differences seem arbitrary if they find any. The mood is relaxed, and there is little ceremony. Most people, old and young, are called by first names and family and friends alike interact freely and speak in a relaxed, casual way. 3 Comparatively, friendship in other countries seems more complicated. In France, as in many other European countries, friends generally are of the same sex. Many French people doubt the possibility of cross-gender friendships. For the French, friendship is a one-to-one relationship that demands a keen awareness of the other person's personality and specialized interests. The special relationship of friendship is based on what the French value most – on the mind, on compatibility of outlook, on a corresponding appreciation of artistic expression, on a love of fine foods, on philosophy, or on the enjoyment of sports. French friendships are private relationships with distinct boundaries. A man may play chess with one friend or discuss poetry with another for 30 years without learning about either of his friends' personal lives or families. 4 In Germany, friendship is much more a matter of feeling and affection. Young boys and girls form deeply sensitive alliances, walk and talk together – not so much to polish their wits as to share their hopes, fears, and ideals, and to join in a kind of mutual discovery of each other's own inner life. Within the family, the closest relationship over a lifetime is between brothers and sisters. German men and women find in their closest friends among the same sex the loyalty of a brother or the devotion of a sister. 5 English friendships follow a still different pattern. Their basis is shared activity. They may share literary interests, serve on a committee, enjoy sports together or share a mutual love of walking. Close English friendships may be of the same sex or of mixed gender; friends may be found in two people, two couples or even a small group. English friendships are made outside the family but can often be enhanced by becoming an integrated part of a family's social life. 6 What, then, is friendship and what is its significance? To summarize, it's a vital human quality that can bind people together for life. And unlike family, it involves freedom of choice. A friend is someone you choose and who chooses you. My friends are quite different from each other. Some are mutual friends. Conversely, others don't even like each other! That is the odd thing about friendship. Just because I like two people does not guarantee that they will like each other. However, I owe them all a debt of gratitude. Whatever the continent or country, people have extended the hand of friendship and welcomed me into their lives. By opening the doors of friendship to me, they occupy a special place in my heart. They have profoundly enriched my life experience, because wherever I am, when I'm with friends, I feel at home. The miracle of friendship is the same. It just takes time to understand the many different ways that friendship is expressed around the world. 各有异同：不同文化中的友谊 从五岁起，我就有幸周游世界各地。我很幸运，曾在欧洲、非洲和北美洲生活过，并且在那里结交了很多外国朋友。我的家人、朋友和同事总是饶有兴趣、充满好奇地向我提出一大堆的问题，例如：在外国你怎么开始一段友谊？外国人跟我们有区别吗？那些国家的人看重友谊吗？其实，友谊的准则和价值在全世界都是普遍存在的，而且是相似的。但是友谊的表达方式则因国家的不同而有着巨大的差别。当来自两个国家的陌生人相遇时，交友的困难不是不珍视友谊，而是想当然地认为对方跟自己一样。他们没有想到的是，在什么是友谊、如何建立友谊、如何表达友谊这些方面，双方有着不同的期待和微妙的差异。因此，谁是朋友？朋友之间该如何相待？这都取决于你身在何处! 在美国，社会流动性极高，人们因为新工作、教育或其他许多原因而在国内搬来搬去是司空见惯的事。所以，“朋友”这个称谓可以宽泛地适用于一系列关系——朋友可以是与你一起做礼拜的人，可以是亲密的生意伙伴，可以是儿时的玩伴，也可以是可依赖的盟友。朋友可以是男的，也可以是女的。他们可以是孩子朋友的家长、邻居家的客人、某个委员会的委员，或者来自另一个城镇、甚至另一个国家的生意上的客户。对美国人而言，这些关系是有着真正的区别的；友谊可以是浅浅的、泛泛的、应景的，也可以是深厚而长久的。但是，一个到美国家庭做客的外国人几乎看不出其中的任何差别。对一个外来人而言，他们只看到表面的表现。即使他们发现其中有任何差别，他们也觉得这种差别似乎并非美国人有意为之。朋友之间气氛很轻松，也不太讲究礼数。不管老少，多数人都直呼其名。而且家人和朋友们都自由地交流，轻松随意地谈话。 相比之下，在其他国家，友谊似乎更为复杂。在法国，如同在许多其他欧洲国家一样，朋友一般是同性的。许多法国人都对异性之间的友谊持怀疑态度。对法国人而言，友谊是一种一对一的关系，需要十分了解对方的个性和特殊兴趣。友谊作为一种特殊关系，是基于法国人最为重视的一些方面，即拥有共同的思想、一致的世界观、对艺术表现的共同欣赏、对美食的喜爱、相同的人生哲学或者对体育的喜爱。法国人的友谊是带有明确界限的一种私人关系。一个人可30年来与一位朋友下棋或者与另一位朋友讨论诗歌，但他可能对这两位朋友的私生活或家庭情况一无所知。 在德国，友谊更多的是一种感觉和喜爱。年轻男孩和女孩结成灵犀相通的盟友，一起漫步、交谈，其目的与其说是为了变得更有智慧，不如说是为了分享他们的希望、忧虑和理想，以及为了共同参与对彼此内心世界的挖掘。在家庭中，一生中最亲密的关系是兄弟姐妹之间的关系。德国男性和女性在他们最亲密的同性朋友身上可以找到兄弟般的忠诚或者姐妹般的挚爱。 英国人的友谊则又是另一种模式。英国人友谊的基础是共同参与活动。他们或许拥有共同的文学爱好、在一个委员会共事、一起享受体育活动或都喜欢散步。英国人之间的亲密友谊可以建立在同性之间，也可以是异性之间；朋友关系可以建立在两个人、两对夫妻甚至是一小群人之间。英国人的友谊是在家庭以外形成的，但是往往因其成为家庭社交生活的组成部分而得到进一步发展。 那么，什么是友谊？友谊的意义何在？概括而言，友谊是人类的一个重要品质，它能使人们一生紧密相连。而且，和家庭不同的是，友谊具有选择的自由。朋友就是你选择了他、他也选择了你。我的朋友们各不相同。他们中有些彼此也是朋友。另一些则相反，他们甚至互不喜欢！这就是友谊的奇怪之处。仅仅因为我喜欢两个人并不能保证这两个人也彼此喜欢。不过，我对他们都心怀感激。无论在哪个大陆、哪个国家，人们都伸出友谊之手，欢迎我走进他们的生活。通过向我打开友谊之门，他们在我的心中占据着一个特殊的位置。他们极大地丰富了我的生活经历，因为无论我在哪里，只要跟朋友们在一起，我就感到舒适自在。友谊的奇妙之处是一样的。只是人们需要时间去理解世界各地表达友谊的许多不同方式。 |
