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Rays of Hope in Rising Rudeness 1 Rudeness is a common element of modern life. "If you don't like it, lump it." Or "Mind your own business." Or "Get out of the way." This kind of talk and attitude is cropping up more often in public experiences — on the highways, in theater lines, on public transport. Whether it is people smoking in public, or people cutting in line, the examples are almost endless. 2 It is generally thought around the world that the inhabitants of large cities are ruder than their fellow citizens from smaller towns or the countryside. Walk down streets of any major capital around the world and you will encounter taxi drivers who believe a "Walk" sign at a walkway is an automatic invitation to bump their cars against pedestrians' knees. Recently, an angry pedestrian reacted by kicking a cab, prompting the driver to get out and give chase. And hardly a day goes by without a reluctant office worker riding an elevator with someone talking loudly on the cell phone, despite the obvious disturbance to fellow passengers. "If you don't like it, get out and switch to another elevator," one cell phone user recently told another passenger who objected to his loud voice. In New York and other cities, quiet walks are a thing of the past. Who is to blame? The cell phone users talking loudly as well as the annoying drivers behind beeping car horns. In some big cities, subway terminals are bulging with herds of commuters, elbowing their way to grab seats, intimidating the old, the young, the disabled and the pregnant. It's common to hear people on the bus or subway talking on their cell phones very loudly, being a nuisance to those around them. 3 What can we detect about such incidents? Some experts say the trend began decades ago when people became resistant to traditional values and manners. Others blame fast-paced modern lifestyles for contributing to a society that has little time to be polite. This is particularly true in big cities, where people are surrounded by strangers. As a noted psychologist has observed, "In a small town, the person to whom you are rude is more likely to be someone you are going to see again tomorrow." In the city, if you have a minor conflict, it's very unlikely you will ever encounter that person again. 4 Stress also plays a role in incidents of ignorant behavior. Cindy Kludt, a counselor who works with overworked nurses, says rudeness in hospitals corresponds with the stress of people constantly working under life-and-death circumstances. "If people at the top are rude or uncaring, rudeness moves on downward, affecting everyone's behavior." 5 Rudeness comes with stress and this is becoming strikingly common. Motorists regularly force bicyclists off the road, and large trucks intimidate autos moving too slowly in front of them. Disgraceful insults are shouted and even bottles and trash are thrown at road crews by upset drivers because lanes are restricted. 6 Public officials are often the target of people's frustration. Staff assistants in public institutions tell of rude, hostile, and sometimes threatening words from people who feel government agencies are rude or mistreating them. As rudeness in public dealings cuts both ways, citizens perceive that public servants habitually ignore them, and they in turn treat the public servants in an offensive fashion. 7 Sometimes, such behavior goes beyond verbal abuse. A worker in a restaurant was slapped and cursed by a customer after she told him no table would be available for two hours. A man in the United States recently won damages for injuries suffered when he made a complaint about a woman for using bad language in her loud conversation. After being told to "get lost", he was beaten with an umbrella by the woman and punched by her companion. Utility crews in big cities report increasing violence from people who have complaints against the power company. "Our repair crews have a rough time in some apartment houses where a lot of people live with relatively little space," says a utility company executive. "That makes short tempers, and angry, rude behavior shows up." 8 There is disagreement as to whether the situation is improving or not. Many see little hope for a decline in today's rude behavior. In fact, some see a new pattern emerging in big cities — the "norm of non-involvement" as one psychologist calls it. Others are feeling more hopeful. For example, one international organization, the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation, inspires people to practice kindness and to pass it on to others! The organization points to a variety of indicators showing kinder and more compassionate citizens. More people are volunteering their time for community projects; also, donations of goods and money to charities have increased. These acts of kindness would have a positive effect on others and would help to reduce the stress in society. Let's hope this optimistic view prevails and brings a better, brighter world for us all. 粗鲁现象虽增，希望之光初显 粗鲁是现代生活中常见的现象。“你不喜欢，也得忍着”，或者“管好你自己的事”，或者“闪开”。这种粗鲁的语言和态度在公共场合越来越常见——在公路上、在电影院排队的队伍中、在公共交通工具上。不管是有人在公共场所吸烟，还是有人插队，这样的例子几乎数不胜数。 世界范围内，人们普遍认为大城市的居民比较小城镇和农村的居民更为粗鲁。如果你走在世界上任何一座大都市的街上，你都会遇到那种出租车司机，他们把人行通道上的“行人通行”信号当作他们去撞行人膝盖的自动邀请。最近，一位愤怒的行人用踢出租车的方式回应了这样的粗鲁行为，结果却招致该出租车司机下车追赶他。还有，几乎每天都会发生这样的事：办公室职员不得不和一个用手机大声打电话的人同乘一部电梯，而这个人完全不顾自己已经明显干扰到了电梯里的其他乘客。最近，有个在电梯里打手机的人告诉电梯里反对他大声打电话的乘客说：“如果你不喜欢，出去换乘另一部电梯。”在纽约和其他城市里，安安静静地步行已成为过去的事了。这是谁的错？是那些打手机声音太大的人的错，也是那些令人讨厌的按喇叭的司机的错。在一些大城市里，地铁站里挤满了通勤的上班族。大家互相推搡，争抢座位，吓坏了老人、小孩、残疾人和孕妇。经常听到有人在公共汽车或地铁上非常大声地打电话，着实令周围的人厌烦。 从这些事件中我们可以看出什么端倪呢？一些专家说，这种趋势早在几十年前人们抵制传统价值观及传统习俗时就已经开始了。还有人指责快节奏的现代生活方式催生了人们无暇顾及礼貌的社会。在人们身边充满陌生人的大城市里尤其如此。正如一位著名心理学家所说的：“在小城镇里， 你对一个人粗鲁，明天你更有可能还会遇到这个人。”在城市里，如果你和某人有个小摩擦，很可能你不会再碰到这个人。 压力也是造成漠视行为的一个因素。辛迪·克拉特是一位辅导过劳护士的咨询师。她说，医院里的无礼行为与人们总是在生死攸关的环境下工作所面对的压力相关。“如果医院的上层领导粗鲁无礼或不关心员工，粗鲁就会向下层传播，影响每个人的行为。” 人们因为压力而变得粗鲁，这成为非常普遍的现象。机动车司机经常迫使骑自行车的人让路，大货车紧逼着他们前面那些开得太慢的汽车。因修路车道被封，心情烦躁的司机会脱口骂出难听的话，甚至会向养路工人丢掷瓶子和垃圾。 公共机构的官员常常是人们发泄不满的对象。公共机构的工作人员说，一些人对他们说出粗鲁的、充满敌意的、有时是威胁性的话，因为这些人觉得政府机构对他们粗鲁或者没有善待他们。在公共交往中粗鲁行为是双向的，由于市民感到公务员对他们总是熟视无睹，他们反过来也对公务员咄咄逗人逼人、气势汹汹。 有时候，这种行为不只是言语辱骂。当一名餐厅的员工告知一位顾客两小时之内餐厅无空位时，这位顾客扇她耳光并咒骂她。最近美国一名男子起诉一妇女得到了损害赔偿金。说他在抱怨那个妇女大声喧闹、口吐脏字后遭受到身体伤害。那个妇女对他说“滚开”后，又用雨伞打他，她的同伴也挥拳打他。据大城市里的公共事业工作人员反映：对电力公司有怨气的用户对他们施以暴力的行为越来越多。“有些公寓房里的很多住户不得不住在相对狭小的空间里。我们的维修人员去那里工作时很不容易。”一位公共事业公司的管理人员说道，“空间狭小使住户爱发脾气，愤怒和粗鲁的行为也就随之出现。” 这种情况现在是否有所改善，大家对此意见不一。很多人对于如今无礼行为是否会减少不抱什么希望。事实上，有些人看到城市中正在出现一种新的模式，一位心理学家称之为“不介入模式”。另一些人则感到比较乐观。例如，一个叫“随机善举基金会”的国际组织鼓励人们行善，并把友善传递给其他人！该组织指出，有各种迹象表明，更友善和更富同情心的市民大有人在。越来越多的人自愿花时间从事社区项目而且，捐给慈善机构的钱物也有所增加。这些友善的行为会给他人带来积极的影响，并有助于减少社会上的压力。我们希望这样的乐观看法可以流行开来，并给我们所有人带来一个更加美好、更加光明的世界。 |
