最搞笑的解雇理由

BBC玛丽莎·阿塔纳索夫(Maria Atanasov)(2016年3月23日)

丢掉工作很痛苦，对吧？其实未必。有些时候，当你被炒鱿鱼之后，反而会因为自己丢掉工作的理由而忍俊不禁。

我们在问答网站Quora上找出了一些人们丢掉工作时最搞笑的原因。以下就精选了一些网友给出的答案。

美味无法抗拒

当老板让你随便享用自己销售的食品时，他的内心或许已经为你的食量设定了上限。维拉利·莫迪(Virali Modi)的第一份工作是在唐恩都乐(Dunkin’ Donuts)工作。“我第二天就因为吃甜甜圈被解雇了。”她写道，“我辩解说，我是放学后直接到店里工作，所以很饿。经理告诉我，我可以吃几个甜甜圈，但别吃太多。可是，我第二天被抓到的时候大约吃了12个小不点(munchkins)。”

生产线上的事故

吃到饱是一回事，用食物打仗就是另一回事了。一个周日的早晨，辛迪·珀尔曼·芬克(Cyndi Perlman Fink)和她最好的朋友芭芭拉(Barbara)正在往甜甜圈里灌果冻，因为等到礼拜结束后，将有大批顾客涌入唐恩都乐。“我们俩通常都表现很好。”她写道。但那天早晨，这两个15岁的女孩却昏了头。“当店长进来视察工作时，我们正在用奶油打架，后厨到处都是甜甜圈，草莓酱洒了一地。我们俩从头到脚都沾满了糖和奶油。于是，我们被炒鱿鱼了。”

穆拉特·莫里森(Murat Morrison)之所以被炒鱿鱼，是因为他在快餐厅的汽车穿梭窗口工作时，采用“空投”的方式给同事传送软饮料。他这么做的目的是为了加快工作速度。“我和我的同事认为，我们应该先练习一下‘短投’。效果不错。”他写道，“几分钟内，我们俩就能熟练地配合了：我扔得准，他接得稳……”

“我最后一下直接扔到了总经理脸上，他那时恰好出现在拐角处，走到我们俩之间。”莫里森接着说，“我还没看到他就知道大事不好了，因为当我扔出一个完美的弧线时，麦克的表情显然在说，‘噢，老天，不要！’……可乐洒得到处都是，他的脸上、衬衣，还有整个三明治备餐区、收银台、天花板、地板，其他员工身上也都有。所有在柜台前等餐的顾客和所有未遭殃及的员工都哈哈大笑，其中也包括我。不到30秒钟，我就在一片抗议声中，从后门被赶了出去。”

性格不合适

不同的工作需要不同的性格。西蒙·布朗(Simon Brown)担任酒吧服务员这份工作只有短短的3个小时。“有个家伙来我们这里喝酒，他每次点的酒都一样多，但他给我的钱都不够。”他写道，“大概有那么多四五次以后，我终于忍不住了。”

布朗失去了冷静，于是靠近这位顾客，然后对他说：“老兄，你知道你喝的酒多少钱吗？”之后坚持要求他付清费用，还说了几句脏话。“后来，有人在我的肩膀上拍了一下。原来是经理。他对我说，他认为我的性格不适合做这份工作。”

言过其实

过分吹嘘会适得其反。当丹·史密斯(Dan Smith)17岁时，他曾经在巴黎希尔顿饭店的一家餐厅里擦桌子，头衔是“学徒侍者”(commis-débarrasseur)。回到英格兰后，他到当地小镇的一家酒店应聘工作。“他们很看重我在巴黎希尔顿的工作经历，”他写道，“但我只是粗略地把commis-débarrasseur翻译成了‘侍者’，也许是为了提升被录用的机会。他们没有质疑，我被录用了。长话短说……后来我发现这真是一家不错的餐厅，他们提供“银质服务”(需要将食物直接放入桌上的餐盘里)。比较起来，希尔顿的餐厅只不过是一家豪华汉堡吧。他们以为我之前当过侍者。我不知道你有没有看过诺曼·威斯德姆(Norman Wisdom)的电影，或者《憨豆先生》、《憨豆特工》之类的影片。我就像电影主人公一样笨手笨脚。”

悲剧发生了。“我托着盘子刚刚走到一半，双手就开始向大脑发送警报，”史密斯接着写道，“盘子开始发烫，这是必然的事情，而我还得在每位客人桌前轻轻放下……我真是迫不及待地想赶紧把盘子扔掉，然后直奔冷水龙头。我围着桌子跳舞，砰砰地把盘子扔在每位客人面前，搞得像尿急似的。如果客人正好身子前倾靠着桌子，我几乎要把他们推开。然后还得把食物倒进客人的盘子里……我想，我应该把盘子一侧倾斜一下，好把食物倒进餐盘，但至少有一块食物滚出盘子或者掉到餐桌上。”

“大部分细节我都记不清了，但我还能想起领班当时如梦初醒的表情，他分明是在说：‘你根本不是侍者。’他趁人少的时候把我拉到一边，询问我在希尔顿的具体工作。嗯，主要就是清理餐桌和整理台面，就是那一类事情。他的脸立马绿了……”

“好吧，至少他们很礼貌地告诉我，我可能根本不能胜任这份工作，让我早点下班。实际上，我提早下班到家的时候，正好碰上兴冲冲出门要去给我送惊喜的室友。”

自然的力量

有时候，纵然你满腔热情，但天公却不作美。“老板让我走人的原因是她通过占星术算的卦不好。”杰罗姆·张(Jerome Chang)写道，“我当时没觉得可笑，那可是我的第一份工作。”

2008年，一场龙卷风袭击了亚特兰大市中心，大卫·德拉姆(David Durham)工作的地方被毁了。“不是因为风，而是因为雨。”他写道，“那个地方本来就有一部分在地下，雨水把那里完全淹没了。我第二天去失业登记处的时候，他们问我失业原因。我回答说：‘龙卷风。’他们说：‘天哪，我们从来没听过这种理由。’”

（责编：友义）

Funniest reasons we’ve heard for getting sacked

By Maria Atanasov,23 March 2024

Losing a job can be traumatic, right? Not always. There are a few times you may have been sacked for reasons that send you out the door giggling.

We turned to question-and-answer site Quora to find out the funniest reasons employees lost their jobs. Here’s what respondents had to say about the moment that cost them.

Too tasty to resist

When the boss says you can help yourself to the product you’re selling, there may be a limit on just how much you should take. Virali Modi’s first job was working for Dunkin’ Donuts. “I got fired on my second day for eating the donuts,” she wrote. “In my defence, I would go there directly after school and I was hungry. The manager said it was okay to eat some, but sparingly. Well, I got caught eating about 12 munchkins.”

Production-line mishaps

Eating your fill is one thing, food fights another. One Sunday morning, while working at Dunkin’ Donuts and preparing for a rush of customers after a church service, Cyndi Perlman Fink and her best friend, Barbara, both at the time just 15 years old, were tasked with filling donuts with jelly. “We were usually really good employees,” she wrote. But that morning the two got carried away. “When the owner came in to check on how things were going, we were in the middle of a whipped cream fight, donuts were all over the back of the store, strawberry jam was everywhere. We were covered with sugar and whipped cream from head to toe, and then we were out the door.”

Murat Morrison’s downfall was “airmailing” soft drinks to a colleague working the drive-through window at a fast-food restaurant, in an effort to speed orders up. “My co-worker and I decided that we should practice with short throws first, and it went fine,” he wrote. “Within a few minutes I was zinging the suckers all the way from the front counter and he was catching all of them with no problem…

“My last one hit the general manager square in the face, as he rounded the corner, and into the line of fire,” Morrison continued. “I sort of knew before I saw him because Mike's face went into "Oh Jesus, don't" mode right as I released the perfect spiral… Coke went everywhere, all over his face, shirt, the sandwich prep area, cash register, ceiling, floor, other employees. Everyone that was at the counter waiting on their food, all of the employees that did not get soaked, and I busted out laughing. I was being escorted out the back door within 30 seconds, under full protest.”

The right temperament

Not everyone’s personality is suited for certain jobs. Simon Brown’s gig as a barman lasted just three hours. “There was a guy at the bar who ordered drinks and every time he ordered exactly the same drink he would give me less than what the drink cost,” Brown wrote. “This happened four or five times and got me bloody frustrated.”

Brown lost his cool, leaning up close to the customer and telling him “mate, you know how much your drinks cost,” then firmly ordered him to pay up, using a few expletives in the process.  “I then got a tap on the shoulder and the manager said he didn't think I had the right demeanor for the job.”

More than you bargained for

Overselling your credentials can come back to bite you. When Dan Smith was 17, he worked for a year clearing tables at a restaurant in the Paris Hilton under the title commis-débarrasseur. Upon returning to England, he applied for a job at a local hotel in town. “Well, when they saw my certificate from the Hilton in Paris, they were very impressed,” he wrote. “I loosely translated commis-débarrasseur as 'waiter', perhaps hoping to boost my chances even more. They didn't question this. They took me on. To cut a long story short… it turned out that this was a proper restaurant, which did things like silver service (serving food directly onto the plate at the table). The Hilton restaurant was little more than a posh burger bar by comparison. And they thought I was a waiter. I don't know if you've ever seen a Norman Wisdom film, or perhaps Mr Bean or Johnny English. That was me.”

A fiasco ensued. “I was halfway across the restaurant when my hands started sending major alarm signals to my head,” Smith continued. “The plates were glowing hot, as of course they should be, and I had to unobtrusively place one in front of each customer… I was desperate to just fling the plates down and get to a cold water tap. I danced around like I needed a wee as I slammed a plate in front of each person. If they were leaning forward on the table I pretty much shoved them out the way. Then I had to serve food… I think I ended up sliding the stuff off the side of the dish so it dropped onto the plates. At least one item landed on the table or rolled off the plate.

“I've removed most of it from my memory, but I do remember the realisation dawning on the ma?tre d's face that I was not a waiter. In a rare quiet moment he pulled me to one side and asked me exactly what my job had been at the Hilton. Um, mainly sort of clearing tables and laying them again, that sort of thing. His face drained…

“So, anyway, they very politely told me they'd had a think and maybe I wasn't suitable after all. I was told I could go early. So early, in fact, that I was nearly home when I met my flatmates who were just heading out to meet me as a surprise after my first day at work.”

Forces of nature

Sometimes, despite one’s best intentions, the stars don’t align. “My employer let me go because of her astrological forecast,” wrote Jerome Chang. “I wasn't amused at the time; it was my first gig.”

And when an outbreak of tornadoes hit downtown Atlanta in 2008, the business where David Durham worked was destroyed. “It wasn't wind that did it, it was the rain,” he wrote. “It completely flooded the place, which was partially underground. When I went to the unemployment office the next day I was asked the reason for my job loss. ‘Tornado,’ I answered. ‘Gosh, we've never heard that one before,’ they said.”