We look at some of the most ridiculous descriptions of student life at university - such as Hamlet, Zuleika Dobson and Brideshead Revisited.
Hamlet
People take a term out for lots of reasons, but rarely to go home to avenge the murder of their father by their uncle. That said, “something is rotten in the state of Denmark” would make a cool excuse for a late essay
Brideshead Revisited
Teddy bears, punting, white tie, Catholicism, thinly veiled homosexuality: ideal social tactics in Glasgow
The Secret History
Hard to say what’s less likely — murdering an annoying chap at a Bacchanal and leaving his body in the snow, or studying Greek
Chariots of Fire
If you are a contender for a sprint gold medal at the next Olympics, your college will try to disrupt your training programme and subject you to anti-Semitic prejudice
The Social Network
Real-life computer scientists, if they speak at all, do not sound like Aaron Sorkin scripts. And more students would create billion-dollar companies if they didn’t spend three years on Facebook
The Glass Bead Game
Lots of abstruse games are played at university, it’s true, but for some reason Hermann Hesse makes almost no mention of banter, chat, chundering, the lash, gap years, VK apple, jaegerbombs, lads or Ladiators
Zuleika Dobson
Max Beerbohm’s total babe goes to Oxford, doesn’t immediately put out, becomes a totem pole of obsession for all the men at the university. Everybody knows someone a bit like this, but we don’t all drown ourselves over them
The Glittering Prizes
Frederic Raphael update: the prizes are now in Beijing. And the only glittering is the sun bouncing off the tear‑stained cheeks of people who thought Media Studies was a good choice of course - By Ed Cumming,26 Sep 2011